


mad sapphic capers (cheryl and toni's excellent adventure)

by killerrqueer



Series: riverdale [4]
Category: Riverdale (TV 2017)
Genre: Canon Compliant, F/F, Road Trip, STAY TUNED THEY GO TO SAN FRANCISCO PRIDE, also cheryl and toni at disneyland!!!!!!!! uwu, also i did literal actual research on the pacific coast highway and california attractions for this, and cheryl being rich, california road trip, cheryl and toni road trip, choni, gays, hey riverdale writers if you want to buy this and make a miniseries i am free on thursday night, i had this idea at 3 am, i've literally wanted to write this for SO long, it's literally just them being dumbasses, pure gay shit, road trip fic, so contact me on thursday night when i am free, what happened over hiatus, which is embarrassing because i've literally lived in california my whole life
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-07
Updated: 2019-03-13
Packaged: 2019-10-24 03:47:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,699
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17697059
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/killerrqueer/pseuds/killerrqueer
Summary: or, the messy, sexy, rock-and-rolling, champagne-and-driving, nights-under-the-stars, sweaty, sleepy, fighting-and-making-up, secret-spilling technicolor cute-fest that was the california road trip, told day-by-day through vlog footage, journal entries, instagram posts, and the girls’ gay inner monologues.





	1. june 17th, 2018

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is the first time i've ever tried epistolary, so don't clap my ass.

Day 1

June 17th, 2018

_[First shot. The camera angle perfectly frames Cheryl’s boobs. At least, that was Toni’s first thought when she was rewatching the footage. The camera pans up to Cheryl’s grinning face, which has more dust on it than the Riverdale writers’ brain cells. Did I say that out loud? The camera is resting on the seat of one motorbike while Toni tinkers with the other. They seem to be at some sort of gas station.]_

Cheryl: Hello, ladies, gentlemen, and others! Welcome to Cheryl and Toni’s terrific travel vlog. _[Suddenly somber]_ With all the things going on in Riverdale right now, especially including dear Archie’s arrest, TT has managed to convince me that we needed a break.

Toni: _[Popping up from behind the bike]_ It really wasn’t that difficult-

Cheryl: And she emerges! Wanna say something to the World Wide Web? _[Toni grunts in dismissal and disappears behind the bike again] [Whispers]_ I knew that would get rid of her.  _[Normal voice]_ There was only one option if we wanted to escape for a while... _[Squeals]_ ROAD TRIP! _[She sighs]_ We haven’t found a single five-star hotel. But do you want to know how much I want to be with Toni? _[Beaming]_ I’m sweaty and gross… but I don’t care that much.

Toni: _[Reappears suddenly]_ Cheryl needed to learn how to rough it. She’s never even touched a shirt from Walmart.

Cheryl: _[Shudders]_ I like you, TT, but just thinking about Walmart clothes gives me anxiety hives. And anyways, you know I like it rough. _[Tries to wink but ends up blinking]_

Toni: You’re a virgin.

Cheryl: _[Slightly defensive]_ Well, you _have_ touched my boob once.

Toni: On accident, when I was trying to punch Jughead.

Cheryl: _[Quickly trying to change the subject to make herself look better]_ Anyways! _[Toni smirks]_ What? What was that face for?

Toni: Maybe… we could change that on this trip?

Cheryl: Change what?

Toni: You being a virgin.

Cheryl: Oh! _[flustered]_ Well, that’s just… um, that’s just dandy.

_[Cheryl has never said dandy before in her life. She doesn’t know why she is saying it now. Maybe Toni just has that effect on her.]_

Toni: You’re so white.

_[Cheryl is still fumbling to find words, her cheeks blushing bright red.]_

Toni: _[Suddenly apologetic]_ Cheryl… I hope you know I don’t think less of you because you just figured out who you are. We can take it as slow or as fast as you want.

Cheryl: Toni… you’re so sweet. _[Glances at camera]_ Maybe we should talk about this… in private?

Toni: That might be a good idea.

_[Smash cut to Toni and Cheryl making out heatedly on the seat of the bike. We hear the camera fall and a distant “mother of shit!”]_

_[B E E P]_

_[Shot of a map. A red ink line is drawn down from the north through the south, somewhat following the Pacific Coast highway, with pit stops in places like Lassen National Park, Disneyland, the Santa Cruz Boardwalk, Monterey, and San Francisco, and many more. Adventures and mishaps are sure to ensue with so many places to get lost, eat good food, and fall in love.]_

 

_[End of Day 1.]_


	2. june 18th, 2018

Day 2

June 18th, 2018

Dear Journal,

Cheryl and I are officially on the road again. We stopped to fuel up in Crescent City and got… distracted, so we stayed there for the night. (Not like that, perv. Keep it relatively PG-13.) I’m writing this on a bench outside of a rest stop. It’s next to Redwood National Park, but instead of seeing the trees, I’m waiting for Cheryl to touch up. I guess my baby can only take so much dust. I’m proud of her for making it this far. Anyways, we’re taking a bathroom break en route to Eureka, California! Miss 4.0 GPA, despite having a good amount of it in her jewelry box at home, forgot that this is where the Gold Rush took place, so I’m surprising her with a fun gold-panning hike. Yep, definitely not really either of our speeds, but I‘m hoping to soak in a little local history. Cheryl doesn’t like hiking, but she does like gold (a lot) and history, so I’m hoping the two-to-one majority rules.

Crossing my fingers,

Toni

\---

_[First shot. Cheryl’s holding the camera up. Toni is behind her, arm around her shoulder, nonchalantly eating a burrito. She is looking distractedly into the distance. They’re sitting on a bench and there is a sign that reads Mount Murphy Bridge behind them.]_

Cheryl: Welcome to Eureka!

_[A beat.]_

Cheryl: _[clears throat]_ EUREKA!

_[Another beat. Toni is devouring that burrito like there’s no tomorrow. I’m a little bit scared.]_

Cheryl: _[Through her teeth]_ Toni! Like we rehearsed. Eureka!

_[Toni glances up. There is a bean fragment hanging from her lip. Somehow she’s still hot.]_

Toni: _[Mouth full]_ Ohm, yeah. _[Unenthusiastic jazz hands. Burrito fillings spatter everywhere.]_ I fink I god id!

Cheryl: Yes, well. That was good for a third try. _[Flicks a chunk of pico off her arm.]_ After a grueling hour of driving, we have finally made it here! Toni says she has a wonderful surprise for me, but she’s too busy making love to her Taco Bell.

Toni: _[Swallows]_ I’m gonna ignore that dig. Oh, speaking of digs, the surprise I actually had planned was… a little bit of gold-panning!   _[Cheryl raises one eyebrow]_ Plus... a hike and a tour! _[Cheryl still looks unimpressed]_ You can find actual gold in the river and keep it for free. Since you won’t let me shop at Walmart, this is the next best way to get souvenirs.

Cheryl: _[Slightly more interested]_ They let you just _take_ gold in California? Please keep talking…

_[B E E P]_

_[Second shot. Our girls are sitting in front of the river, pans in hand. Cheryl has set the camera on a nearby rock. Toni is already eagerly splashing in the water. The other families are looking at her in various judgey ways.]_

Cheryl: TT informed me halfway through the hike, while I was being eaten alive by mosquitos and sweating rivers deep enough to gold pan in, that they don’t have chunks of gold floating around in California waters. A slight disappointment, of course, but I suppose I have enough gold at home. _[Long-suffering sigh]_ Now, about this angle- it’s not doing my complexion any favors.

_[Cheryl picks up the camera and brings it closer to the stream where all the families are sifting through the rocks. Toni puts a fistful of river muck in her gold pan as Cheryl adjusts the camera. Toni shakes her pan vigorously and the mud flies up into her eyes. She lets out a shriek and trips headlong into the river!]_

Cheryl: Oh my God, Toni!

_[Cheryl balks for a second, most likely weighing her flawlessly done mascara against Toni’s life, before charging into the river after her boo in a wholly ungraceful and un-Cheryl-like manner. The families on the shore are now watching in outright horror instead of just judgement.]_

Cheryl: _[Grabs Toni frantically while trying to keep them both afloat]_ Are you okay?

Toni: Cheryl!

Cheryl: I got you, babe, I promise, I’ll save you!

Toni: … Cheryl, the river’s like two feet deep.

Cheryl: _[Stops floundering and looks over at the gold-panning families]_ Is it?

_[A few of them nod. The rest are still judging.]_

Cheryl: Huh.

_[Toni helps her up, laughing, and they walk out of the waist-high river. A few of the children cheer before their parents quickly shush them.]_

_[B E E P]_

_[Third shot. Toni and Cheryl are standing in front of the gift shop, sharing a towel. Cheryl is holding the camera above them with one hand. Toni has her arm around Cheryl’s waist, showing there are no hard feelings.]_

Toni: _[Grins at the camera]_ I didn’t really think I’d like this, but I think I’ve realized it’ll be nice to have footage of our trip. So, update, Cheryl decided to save my life from the two-foot river, and then we both had to take the hike back wet. _[Clicks tongue]_ Not that I’m not eternally grateful or anything-

Cheryl: Well, how was I supposed to know that? There should be a sign. _[Tosses hair]_

Toni: You could have just looked- wait, what’s that? _[Points to Cheryl’s head]_

Cheryl: What’s what?

_[Toni plucks something from Cheryl’s wet red locks and holds it up to the camera. It’s a tiny nugget of gold, just larger than a grain of rice. She presents it to Cheryl with a small flourish.]_

Toni: Madame.

Cheryl: How elegant! You’re so very clever, TT. Looks like we did get our payday after all. _[She kisses Toni’s cheek and gestures quickly to the gift shop behind them]_ I have an idea, but then afterwards can we go back to the hotel and take showers? _[Shudders]_ I think I might have river water permanently sloshing around in my nasal cavity. I know I’m supposed to be roughing it, but I have to draw a line somewhere.

Toni: Of course, babe. _[Indicates the gold nugget]_ But how are we going to keep this safe?

Cheryl: _[Smiles secretively]_ You’ll see.

_[B E E P]_

_[And, friends,_ we _never get to see like Toni did, but I, your humble narrator, will spoil it for you. In the rest of the videos, Toni is wearing a simple chain necklace with a bottle on it. Inside the bottle is contained- you guessed it!- a small nugget of gold, slightly larger than a grain of rice. If you looked even closer, carved into the cork are two sets of initials. C.B. + T.T.]_

 

_[End of Day 2.]_


	3. june 19th, 2018

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a soft chapter for y'all after the angst of last night's episode.

Day 3

June 19th, 2018

_ [First shot. In the background is a rest stop. Cheryl frowns at the camera.] _

Cheryl: We have been driving for _ ages _ .

Toni:  _ [From offscreen] _ It’s been thirty minutes-

_ [B E E P] _

_ [Second shot. Cheryl and Toni are in some sort of motel. It looks a little worse for wear. Toni’s making faces at the camera while Cheryl appears to be checking the sheets for bed bugs. There is only one bed, which is a fact they are trying their best to ignore.] _

Toni: Good afternoon, gamers, we’ve stopped outside of Red Bluff for now. Even though we were only biking for about three hours, Cheryl’s not used to sitting on a motorcycle for so long, and she won’t stop complaining- I think she’s just sleep deprived.

Cheryl:  _ [Muffled because she’s now under the bedskirt]  _ My ass is a precious artifact that historians will write odes to. I have to keep it intact. Are you positive that all of the other hotels were booked? 

Toni: Solid. Both your ass and the hotels’ bookings.

Cheryl: Absolutely positive? _ [She coughs and emerges, waving her hand in front of her face] _ Ugh, I think something died under here. And what kind of hotel can’t even spell ‘hotel’ right?

Toni: Cheryl, a motel is a type of hotel.

Cheryl: Oh. Well, this place is still trashier than a Real Housewife shooting heroin. I bet they don’t even have room service.

_ [Toni rolls her eyes. She is used to her girlfriend’s antics, so the gesture is more playfully exasperated than outright frustrated. Cheryl takes off her jacket and spreads it over the bed, still cautious of bed bugs, before flopping down with a loud sigh. There is a beat of silence. Toni looks over at Cheryl, but her expression is unreadable.] _

Toni: So… I guess that’s the update. See you tomorrow, shishters.

_ [She turns off the camera.] _

\---

Cheryl looked over at Toni with just her eyes, since her body was seemingly too exhausted to move. “I can’t believe you, of all people, watch James Charles.”

Toni laughed and went to sit next to her. “Don’t stereotype. I can do some pretty bomb winged eyeliner now because of him.” She flopped down on her back, legs flying into the air and coming down with a thump on the bed. Her arm rested across Cheryl’s stomach.

Cheryl shifted onto her side. Toni mimicked the motion and had a sudden flashback from the first time they were in a bed together. If she concentrated, she could nearly see the warm red ambience of Cheryl’s bedroom, smell the perfume, feel the softness of the silk sheets and the rapid beating of her heart out of her chest. God, how badly she’d wanted to kiss her then.

“Are you thinking about...?” Cheryl trailed off, and Toni nodded. “I only wish you’d kissed me sooner so we weren’t interrupted.” Cheryl’s lips quirked upwards, and that was when Toni realized she had been staring at them. “You’re doing it again.”

Toni snapped out of her Cheryl-induced daze. “Doing what?”

“Gazing at me with those big, beautiful brown eyes and not kissing me.” Cheryl made an expansive gesture. “Well? Won’t you get on that?”

Toni scooted a little closer and hooked a finger under Cheryl’s chin. “And by getting on  _ that _ , you mean… you?”   


“Oh, precisely,” Cheryl purred, and Toni couldn’t take it anymore- she tangled her fingers in Cheryl’s hair and closed the distance. Their mouths collided, sloppy and unhinged but a perfect fit. Toni swung a leg over Cheryl’s hips and giggled as her eyes widened. She leaned forward so their noses were inches apart, her hands pressed to either side of Cheryl’s shoulders. “You’re all talk, aren’t you?” she murmured. “Princess.” 

Cheryl let out a breathy whimper. “Kiss me  _ now _ ,” she pleaded. 

Toni pressed the tiniest of pecks to her lips, running her fingers softly along her neck. “Say please?”

Cheryl pouted. “Please?” Toni laughed teasingly, and Cheryl whined “Ton- _ i _ ,” arching her back just slightly into her. The simple action caused a flame to leap up inside of her, and she let out a growl and brought their lips together once more. Cheryl moaned Toni’s name, muffled between their mouths, and Toni grabbed the bottom of her own shirt and pulled it over her head. Normally this would be about where they cooled off and stuck to making out, but Cheryl, in a surprising act of dominance, grabbed Toni’s hips, holding them firmly against her own. “Is this okay?” she asked in between heavy breaths as she slowly nipped a line of red lipstick marks and tiny bruises down Toni’s abs. Toni threw her head back and gasped in pleasure, nodding and muttering “yes” over and over. Right as she reached the waistband of Toni’s pants, Cheryl suddenly stopped and looked up at her. “I think I’m ready,” she said.

Pressed so closely together, looking at her girlfriend with her messed up auburn hair, smeared lipstick, and glittering eyes, Toni felt the same thing she felt when she saw Cheryl for the first time, a feeling she couldn’t quite describe. It was a mix of physical attraction so potent it was almost painful, deep, deep affection, and a strong desire to take care of her and keep her safe. It was like her body knew that this was where she was supposed to be. She had found her place in the world, and that place was in Cheryl’s arms. She didn’t know if Cheryl felt that way, though, which is why she asked anxiously, “Are you sure? I don’t want to pressure you into anything.”

“If anything, I’m pressuring you,” Cheryl joked. Her face grew serious. “But, truly, I’ve never felt this way about anyone. I believe that you are the right one for me, and I feel… safe with you.” Toni smiled, feeling a little choked up. “Oh, did I ruin the vibe? I didn’t mean to-”

“No! No, of course not.” Toni cupped Cheryl’s face tenderly between her hands. “Consent is always super sexy, and your safety is the most important thing to me in the world.”

Cheryl’s face broke into a radiant grin so ear-splitting that it pushed at Toni’s palms, the tip of her tongue poking between her teeth. “You think I’m super sexy?”

“The sexiest. Come here.” Toni pulled her close until their smiles met and turned into a deep, passionate kiss.

\---

Toni woke up presumably a few hours later to Cheryl trying to roll her over. She sleepily batted her away and sat up, allowing Cheryl to rescue her leather jacket from underneath her. She was wearing nothing but underwear and Toni’s Eagles t-shirt, and Toni wasn’t sure where to focus her heart-eyes as Cheryl shook the creases out of the red jacket frustratedly.

Toni rubbed her eyes and gestured to the jacket. “That might need to be washed.”

Cheryl immediately dropped it, probably thinking of the...  _ activities _ that had taken place on it just a few hours ago. She shook her hands a couple of times and went to go pull on a skirt, causing Toni to pout.

“What? You can still see my legs,” Cheryl teased her.

Toni flopped back onto the bed. “Come cuddle with me, please? Just for a little bit before you turn into get-up-and-go Cheryl?”

Cheryl considered this. “And for how long would we… snuggle?”

“Just for, like, two seconds.” She opened her arms invitingly. “Come onnnnn!”

Cheryl sighed, long-suffering, and crawled across the bed to cocoon herself in Toni’s embrace. She tucked her head into Toni’s shoulder, and Toni pecked the top of her head, closing her eyes and enjoying the contact, until- “One… two,” Cheryl mumbled, then bounced up, resuming her activities.

Toni let out a disappointed groan. “You’re being annoying.”

“You love it,” responded Cheryl smoothly, sliding on her boots. “And anyways, we need something to commemorate this special occasion.”

Toni sat up, interest piqued. “What do you mean? And gimme my shirt.”

“Not a chance, it smells too heavenly.” Cheryl tossed Toni one of her cherry-patterned crop tops (by one, Toni meant she had about twelve of the same shirt back home because she loved it so much). “I called the front desk, and they don’t have a bottle of champagne over eight dollars, so-”

Toni knew exactly where she was going with this. “Cheryl, we are absolutely  _ not _ driving twenty miles into Red Bluff to buy expensive champagne. I’m putting my foot down.”

Which is how they ended up crammed onto Toni’s motorcycle, driving twenty miles into Red Bluff to buy expensive champagne. Cheryl refused to drive, of course, preferring to cling on to the back like a barnacle, bitch whenever a car went by (“It’s 1 AM, you imbeciles! Learn how to read a clock!”), and tickle Toni’s waist, nearly running them off the road several times. Throughout the events of the night, Toni became more and more certain that Cheryl was the only one for her, because if anyone else did what Cheryl was doing, she would have slapped them a thousand times, but with Cheryl, the annoyingness was… annoyingly endearing.

And then Cheryl spent an hour arguing with the clerk at BevMo, a spotty teenager who clearly knew nothing about alcohol, about cognac prices and got them kicked out, and Toni was seriously considering rethinking her assessment because she was tired beyond belief, but pissed-off Cheryl was very hot and  _ goddamn that smile  _ so she promised to let it go on the condition that Cheryl would get them back to the motel. And even though the sun was coming up, Cheryl still fell asleep at the wheel twice, prompting Toni to take it from her and drive them the fifteen miles left as Cheryl snoozed peacefully on Toni’s shoulder.

_ [End of Day 3.] _


	4. june 20th, 2018

Day 4

June 20th, 2018

_ [First shot. Toni is carefully locking the two girls’ suitcases to their bikes. They’re in the parking lot of an IN-N-Out burger.] _

Cheryl: Greetings, gentleviewers! Short vlog today. Toni and I are simply stopping in Sacramento for the night. We will mingle with the tourists when we come back through on our way home. For now-

_ [She zooms on Toni’s ass behind her.] _

Cheryl: Sorry, got distracted. TT, what are we doing for now?  _ [Moves the camera so it focuses on the side of Toni’s face] _

Toni: Cheryl bet me that an IN-N-Out burger would be better than a Pop’s burger. I’m gonna win this bet so easily.

Cheryl:  _ [Looks sneakily at the camera] _ If you’re so sure...

_ \--- _

_ [Instagram post. Cheryl is taking a selfie of her sipping her strawberry In-N-Out milkshake, eyes closed in apparent rapture. Behind her, Toni is biting into a burger, with tears of joy streaming down her cheeks.] _

cherylbcmbshell: if this is what the food and the girls are like everywhere in california, i’m never leaving. #choniroadtrip 🍔😋🙌 

_ (tagged: serpentoni) _

comments:

queenbeelodge: wow toni’s really enjoying that burger

          cherylbcmbshell: maybe slightly too much 🕵️‍♀️

          serpentoni: i’d tell you to shut up but i have no regrets… that burger deserved every tear shed

bettycoops: i still can’t believe you two have a whole hashtag for your road trip

          cherylbcmbshell: dear cousin, are you insinuating that we SHOULDN’T have a hashtag? #choniroadtrip

          serpentoni: bold of you to assume i am associated in any way with this

          cherylbcmbshell: i thought you liked it 😞

          serpentoni: i tolerate it because you spent two hours on it

          cherylbcmbshell: that’s the same thing

          serpentoni: we’ll discuss this later..

josieofthepussycats: yesssss girls! 👯

srpntkng: is it better than pops??

          serpentoni: i’ve gotta say yes…

          srpntkng: 🤯

andrewsarchie: i miss my faves!

           cherylbcmbshell: much love from me and tt  ❤️💗

serpentoni: we miss you too!!!

sweetpea: oh how the mighty have fallen

            serpentoni: how DARE you encroach on my spiritual experience

            sweetpea: i’m so glad you’re across the country rn because i can’t afford to get my ass beat bc of some burgers

             serpentoni: damn straight

reggietheman: that burger…. it looks amazing…..

therealkevinkeller: you guys are soooooo cute goals

            cherylbcmbshell:🙋‍♀️ “you guys” is a strange way to say toni

            serpentoni: BABE PLS JUST TAKE THE COMPLIMENT

            therealkevinkeller: BAAAABE?>????!?@???>

faaaaangs: it’s boring around here without you two stirring up trouble

            serpentoni: that trouble is ALL cheryl my dude

            cherylbcmbshell: offended!

            serpentoni: i’m literally half of your impulse control

            faaaaangs: i am BEGGING u stop being cute on my comment i just wanted to say i missed yall damn

 

_ [End of Day 4.] _

**Author's Note:**

> obviously, my writing's not perfect (although it's close), so i'd appreciate if you, dear reader, would drop a comment telling me what i should do better! you can even stop by if you want to say something nice, or if you want to argue with someone, as long as you keep it civil on my lawn. thanks for reading!
> 
> twitter; @mazieveposting  
> tumblr; @communistdanni
> 
> (for extra fun stuff, go to my tumblr blog and search the tag ‘msc extras’)


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